woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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