Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
