Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
