my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
