A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
