And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
