life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
