you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
