Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
