dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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