; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
