Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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