I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
