I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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