is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
