i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
