Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Duck Duck Cougar?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
