I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need water and some morals
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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