I want to walk on stilts...naked
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
