Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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