the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
