i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
