brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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