I got chris browned last night
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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