So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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