You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I want is dick and wine.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
