shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my shit smells like andre
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
