My friends, they love my intelligence
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
