she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
