we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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