We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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