Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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