So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
