Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
