i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
