I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
