So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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