3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
