I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
