Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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