my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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