road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
