I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
