The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
