I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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