meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She bit a glass in half.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
