I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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