He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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