Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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