Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
