Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
