"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
