Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
