I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
